Director: Hey, you seen the final edit yet?
Producer: Yeah Man, you rock.
Director: Thanks.
[uncomfortable silence]
Director: But…
Producer: Costner man, what's all that anti-christian bullshit?
Director: Anti-Christian?
Producer: 'Now we really know where we come from', what the fk is that about?
Director: But wouldn't people ask that question if they discovered alien life?
Producer: Fk that, you're saying Superman is an alien?
Director: Isn't he?
Producer: Fk no, he's all American.
Director: But we spent 20million on the opening scene, we got Russell Crow man, we got the dude riding a dragon fly on an alien planet. It's awesome.
Producer: So that wasn't Kansas?
Director: No, that was Superman's home world.
Producer: Fk, well, you know how many Christians there are in the US Zack, buddy?
Director: Lots.
Producer: Right. Over 50% believe hard. They all got wallets in their back pockets buddy.
Director: So what we going to do?
Producer: Lose the Costner line.
Director: Can't, Nolan worked it into his contract.
Producer: Did he? Fk Nolan and his agendas. OK, lets brainstorm this. Let's reach out to each other. I'm thinking something spiritual
Director: What like, Lois Lane going to church?
Producer: Fking good idea, no wait, how about Superman goes to church?
Director: Superman? But he's an alien, like the strongest thing on the planet? He wouldn't believe in our god.
Producer: Superman is not stronger than Jesus Christ my friend. Not at all.
Director: He's an alien. From an advanced technology. He'd read the Bible and have to pity us.
Producer: You're not reaching out to me Zack, think buddy. How's this? I'm thinking Superman goes to church. That's what I'm thinking. He goes to church and seeks spiritual guidance.
Director: But that's stupid.
Producer: It's better than that my friend. Let me think. What we'll have is like a great big gigantic fresco in the background while he asks for help, depicting Jesus reaching up to god for help. We'll create an analogy… yes, like Man of Steel: Superman and Jesus Christ: Superstar. One and the same.
Director: An image so big would over power the scene, undermine the movie.
Producer: So blur it a little.
Director: But the thinking audience will hate everything about it.
Producer: Fk a thinking audience, we're shaping minds my friend.
Director: My artistic credibility!
Producer: 50 mil and I'll give you twenty minutes extra run-time
Director: 50mil? But what would I spend it on?
Producer: You can't end the movie with a fking kiss man, meant to mention that too. Add some stuff at the end. Zod isn't dead. Get him to scream some of those awful one liners, more pointless carnage.
Director: 50 mil?
Producer: And extra runtime.
Director: Really…
Producer: They're going to love it, trust me.
2 comments:
Nice insight, but you left out some of the conversation about inserting dialogue which would please the US evangelist viewers... like during the fight scene in Kansas with the Kryptonian "evil" woman saying that her lack of morals made her more evolved than him, thus equating evolution with something evil, and making her repeat the word "evolution" twice just to make sure no one missed it =)
I suppose it was to compensate for mentioning a space ship had landed 20,000 years ago, which is obviously impossible because that would be 14,000 years before gOD actually created earth ;)
Thanks for dropping by Gyz, don't get my started on the space ships and technologies spread around the universe the Kryptonians never bothered to then act on as their world imploded. Urrrghhh.
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